When is "playing nice" detrimental to us?
A friend of mine wrote a note listing all the things that really bothered her that she has spent years saying didn't bother her. She wrote about how bothered she is by the number of her friends marrying, by seeing photos of parties that she wasn't invited to, by writing off her nightmares as just bad dreams. I responded with a small list of my own.
How often do we tell people that something is ok when it really bothers us? It seems to me that women especially fall prey to these white lies. We are taught from a very young age to play nice. We have to be polite. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
These things sit on our chests for years. Is there something wrong or rude about saying "I don't like this" or "I don't want to do this"? I'll use an example. It really bothers me that one of my friends gripes on about how awful my boyfriend must be and what a louse he is because he doesn't have a job. I'm getting to a point of explosion because I can't tell her to just bugger off, and that she has no right to judge him. Doesn't she know there is a huge recession and even wait staff jobs are hard to find?
So do I just tell her to shut up because it's bothering me? Or do I keep quiet and listen to the "wisdom" of my elders (she is older than me)?
What does being polite get us anymore?
I'm a firm believer in politeness. And I know exactly where you're coming from. Still, I've always been torn between the whole "stooping to their level" thing and being polite to people who are not polite to me.
ReplyDeleteIn this situation, your friend is just being rude and ignorant. If you don't feel like you can tell her to shut up, then I would recommend finding a nice way to tell her that you don't want to hear about it anymore. (But I'd probably just tell her to stuff it because the recession is HELL and your boyfriend is a great guy.)